ahem!

perhaps an intervention is called for. the dirty political junkie, soundly thrashed at the polls in seven or eight election campaigns at all three level of government, makes his way across the country, beaten, battered, bloodied, bitter and bedraggled. but UNBOWED.

after living in la belle province for a year and a half, the unilingual english canadian surveys the political landscape. considers the possibilities. weighs the options. and decides to run in the federal byelection in the riding of outremont, which is, thankfully, within walking distance of the junkie's oh-so-humble abode.
once more into the breach, as they say.

the political junkie, a born rhino, cares not that he risks being torn limb from limb by his former rhino brothers in arms in montreal. the carpet bagger from the west - who led the vancouver rhinos into battle against the montreal rhinos in the (not-so) great rhino civil war of 1993 - assumes that he will, once again, be attacked viciously by deposed rhino leader charlie mackenzie. after two previous aborted attempts, the big green lizard from lalaland is determined to do whatever is necessary to bring the mighty rhino back from extinction. and it seems - to this brave warrior, this perpetually misunderstood champion of seemingly futile causes - that it is only right that a sustained, concerted effort to bring the rhino party back to life should take place in montreal, where the beast was born, in 1963 (which, coincidently, or maybe not, is the year our wannabee hero was born).

the wily old rhino, going crazy from the summer heat, believes he has outdone himself in putting together his platform. there will be laughter aplenty between now and polling day on september 17.

the prospect of fielding questions posed to him in french makes the prospective candidate  (have to come up with the $1000 deposit first) giggle because he knows that, no matter what the question his only answer will be something to the affect of:

"celui, deux, quatre, trois, mon nom est riboflavine. oui, oui, le bon chien, font svp avec le pitou et avec le parc d'août de poulet de poumon de poutine. TABERNACLE!"

and why not?

as has almost always been the case when the scaly, big-brained 44 year old unleashes one of his patented "fuckin' eh serious pranks" there will be plenty to ponder when the laughter subsides.

having spent a ludicrous amount of time in law libraries over the past six years, our learned friend is finally prepared to file and fight his thrice delayed charter challenge and will do so some time in the next two weeks. the self-taught bare-ass-ter has twice attempted to stop in-progress elections by means of a court-ordered injunction. on both occasions, the bold and brilliant move failed. however, anyone who knows anything about canadian constitutional law and is familiar with the case understands that victory will finally be served.  
 
legal beagles and eagles can contact zilla at

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if you are willing to aid zilla (pro bono, of course) in what will, without a doubt, be one of the most fasci:nating cases ever fought in this country

and, finally, should any of you still believe in magic and miracles and care to support the aforementioned improbable - but far from impossible - dreams, you can demonstrate your support by buying zilla's damn book for a lousy $10.

the book can be found and purchased here: